I knew a passionate basketball player. She trained much more than the average person. She took the sport very seriously and spent more time on the training ground than we, her friends, spent in the gym. We saw success in her basketball career; she initially proved it by earning medals and catching the eyes of national selectors. She went on to become a national player, with her dream being to take the team to the Olympics. Her personal goal was to play at the Olympics.
Once she started playing at a professional level with the national team, the pressure was high. She began gravitating towards comfort and started going out with friends to parties and gatherings. Initially, she thought it would calm her and serve as an escape from her intense training sessions. These things start small, and in her case, it was the occasional night out. Then it slowly turned into a regular habit. The desire for late nights and attending parties became difficult for Emily to resist. The discipline started to fall once she was into this lifestyle, with late nights and drinking. It was noticeable that her performance was not up to her standards.
Emily wasn’t aware of the changes. She kept dismissing important training sessions, and her mediocre performance was evident. She kept convincing herself that her natural ability would be enough to get her through. The way she used to always be present at training sessions was now a rare occurrence. When she did show up, she had a carefree demeanor and put in very little effort. She really thought these missed training sessions wouldn’t impact her performance.
But the world doesn’t slow down for anyone. Her competitors began to pull ahead, and she was falling behind. There was one qualifier match that would determine if the team would go to the Olympics, which was her dream. She completely failed. It was obvious to everyone, including Emily, that she had fallen short.
When Emily realized this, she was devastated. She could finally see how far she was from her previous self. She could also see that she was in danger. She had wasted valuable time and her reputation. She felt that her family was worried and realized the coach’s dissatisfaction towards her. This coach, who had seen potential in her, now saw it as completely wasted. What caused her to be like this? The lack of self-control. It cost her more than the games; it cost her dreams and her coach’s dreams as well.
It still wasn’t too late. She was young and just had to make a decision. For some, it may be very difficult. If you are used to these enjoyments and make them a lifestyle, it would be difficult to let go of these joys. But Emily was once a super disciplined personality. All she wanted to do was play basketball. Nothing mattered more to her than this sport. So she decided to cut the partying, consult with a renowned sports psychologist, and devote all her time and enthusiasm to her training. There were some tempting moments, but she was strong enough to dismiss the desires.
Emily continued to play at a high level. She focused on getting in better shape and improving her playing mindset. Though she wasn’t playing in the Olympics, the situation hit her so hard that she gained important insights on self-control and sticking to what matters. Her ultimate goal was to become the best.
Understanding Self-Control
How should you think about self-control? Rather than thinking in theoretical terms, think of it as a steering wheel. It includes your emotions, thoughts, and actions. You have the power to control it. Think about it like this: you have a major goal, maybe a job interview, an important exam, or an important match. You see all your friends planning for a holiday. But you know these things will come later, and you have to focus on what truly matters to you. Or it could be wasting your time on your phone; you know the amount of time your phone takes away from you is crucial for your success. You control your thoughts, emotions, and actions. It is up to you. Don’t let other aspects control you; you control them. You need to have a solid hold of that steering wheel.
Self-control helps you stay on track. You will make long-term goals important if you have strong self-control. There may be some fun, tempting distractions, but you have to stick to your goal.
The Science of Self-Control
Humans have a mental muscle that involves the prefrontal cortex. Every decision you make, every preparation, and every temptation you resist helps you with it.
We often crave instant rewards rather than waiting for long-term results which are actually better for us. I have a friend who joined a gym and wanted instant muscles. He lost patience, left the gym, and stopped working out. But in reality, it takes time to build muscles. It takes consistent effort and dedication. You cannot crave an instant body.
What we all need to practice is delayed gratification. It’s about choosing a long-term benefit over immediate smaller pleasures. In Emily’s case, she chose the delights of partying over intense training sessions. We also fall for these things. We get caught up in the moment. The reward system of our brains favors short-term enjoyment, like partying and clubbing, over long-term goals of becoming the best. We just don’t always know how to trick the brain.
The prefrontal cortex of Emily’s brain searched for instant rewards because she had made herself comfortable with the thrill of partying. Her prefrontal cortex was dominated by the more primal parts of her brain that seek instant rewards.
Understanding this really helps us see why being patient and consistent with hard work is crucial. You need time to build muscles, and achieving any big goal will require you to stay focused and disciplined, resisting the temptations of immediate results or short-term pleasures.
The good news is that you can practice self-control. It is like a muscle that can be strengthened with time and practice. If you can exercise self-control, you’ll see yourself making better choices and staying focused on your long-term goals.
Common Challenges to Self-Control
Common Challenges to Self-Control
Stress: When we are stressed, our decision power is really messed up. Stress sometimes makes us take irrational decisions. Emily was dealing with stress as she was at her top level for so long. She found that she could be less stressed if she turned to partying and socializing more with her group of friends. It could be a coping mechanism and a distraction from training.
Peer Pressure: We all heard the term: we are the average of the five people we hang out with. Friends really have an influence on us. It is your choice to hang out with a group who will direct you towards good or will divert you from your goal. Emily was directly and indirectly influenced by them because they were living a lifestyle that matched comfort and partying.
Fatigue: When we are fatigued, our capacity to maintain self-control weakens. As Emily was into the late nights, it also impacted her training sessions. She didn’t think of self-control that much.
Overconfidence: When we achieve something, we think we have it all. Then we start to care less about being a better version of ourselves. Emily had the same overconfidence. She thought she had achieved so much at such a young age that it would keep her going. Her overconfidence made her do less of the constant work she used to do.
These are some of the obstacles that may derail anyone from progress. You need to identify and point out why it is difficult to maintain self-control. We can plan and devise our own strategies to focus on the long-term goal and become someone with high self-control.
Strategies to Strengthen Self-Control
Dodge Temptations: What is your weak spot? Do you mindlessly scroll your phone and waste your time watching unnecessary content? Or are you on a diet and hang out with friends who bring junk food which you can’t resist? For Emily, it was the late-night parties and socializing. But she started skipping them and became proficient at avoiding distractions. She found out her weak points and worked on them. She wasn’t in an environment that made it difficult to go to train.
Build Good Habits: When you dodge the troublesome habits that impact your goal, you need to start creating good habits that take you to the goal. Emily decided never to miss a training session. She started cooking healthy meals. In her free time, she would practice deep breathing and mindfulness, discuss new tactics with her coach, and read self-help books.
Set Clear Goals: Noting down your goals helps. If you can write your daily goals and your weekly goals, you will see improvement. This makes you more disciplined and helps you develop strong self-control because you are adopting a lifestyle that requires you to complete daily and weekly tasks. Emily had her own goals; she started with perfecting her double dribble and slam dunks. She continued to add more once she knew she had perfected them. She continued to become better by setting clear goals.
Real-Life Applications
Take time to consider other areas of your life where exhibiting self-control might be difficult. It might be not checking social media every few minutes, not spending money on things you do not need, or keeping your money away from risky investments that promise high returns but come with high risks. Are you stuck playing games for hours on end due to their addicting nature, or is gambling your weakest point that you cannot escape?
In any case, knowing which aspects of life test our self-control is the first step to improving it. Whatever life challenge a person wants to overcome, there are always ways to help. Now, you have been acquainted with self-control’s principles and several strategies to develop it, such as setting specific goals, practicing mindfulness, living a healthy lifestyle, avoiding temptation, and building good habits, and ways to apply them in your life to solve some challenges.
Can you formulate a cumulative goal or a specific goal for yourself and a specific time frame? For instance, limiting yourself to a certain time on social networks daily, or putting yourself on a budget and keeping track of your expenses throughout the month? Or can you, for example, try to incorporate mindfulness exercises into your life in some way that will help you be less prone to impulsive behavior?
Finding Strength in Self-Control: Lessons from Emily's Journey
We can all take inspiration from Emily’s story. Her journey proves self-control is key to unlocking our best potential. She faced obstacles but was smart enough to make decisions that made her confident to face them. She looked for growth and never tried to look back on how she was losing the best version of herself. We too can enhance our self-control. Identify and change for the better.