Have you ever been fascinated by people who know how to talk their way in or out of any situation? It’s like they have a superpower with words. When faced with difficult situations, they can solve problems just by talking. When someone is having a bad day, they know how to console and cheer them up. In hangouts, they have stories to keep everyone entertained. They can inspire others.
You might be someone who has never been able to communicate correctly in your life, perhaps you’re a shy person. You have lots of thoughts and opinions in your mind, but you don’t know how to express them or start a conversation. You overthink a lot because you’re afraid of making the conversation awkward or failing to engage your audience.
Communication is actually an incredible skill to have, though it’s intangible. But not many people work on it. Don’t underestimate the importance of communication. It’s a skill that starts developing from childhood. When you, as a parent, spend time with your child and teach them, you’re shaping their personality. These experiences build their confidence, and as they grow up, they become more comfortable talking in any situation.
If you don’t communicate with them enough during their formative years, they might struggle to engage with others in school and social settings. It’s a journey that begins early in life.
There are also people who excel in communication but misuse it for bad purposes. They foster injustice, spread hate, corruption, and selfish gains, or spread misinformation. You need to keep in mind that for every good deed you do, there will be competition from the dark side. Communication is a powerful tool for both good and evil, so it’s essential to wield it responsibly and ethically.
But don’t feel discouraged just because some people seem to have the upper hand in the communication game. You can develop this skill and become a game-changer in no time. And how do you achieve that? Practice.
There are thousands of articles, videos, and courses online to guide you, but there’s no one-size-fits-all rule. That’s why people come up with different procedures. My suggestion is to create your own structure that suits you best. But remember, you have to follow it diligently. You can’t just create a structure and procrastinate on it.
There are many ways to find success in communication. Some people challenge themselves by talking to a camera for 30 days. Others engage in role-playing exercises at work to improve communication skills. When you’re with your family, try participating in and engaging in storytelling. This will help you feel more comfortable and confident.
I believe that we’re not all created equal when it comes to communication skills. Just as we vary in height, weight, intelligence, or athletic ability, we also vary in our ability to communicate effectively. Each person is different, and the way I approach communication will be different from the way you do. This variation is influenced by our surroundings and both nature and nurture.
Training for Tough Talks
But how can we become master communicators? Let’s consider an example: describing your home. You can do this easily, adding details with confidence because you know everything about it. This task feels effortless because it’s familiar, and most people describe their homes in similar ways.
However, difficult situations bring out vast differences in communication skills. For instance, if you’re asked to communicate a mistake you made at work, you might struggle to convey your message effectively. Observing people perform this task reveals dramatically different messages, from ineffective to compassionate ones. These situations are challenging because they involve multiple conflicting goals. Unlike describing your home accurately, you must explain what went wrong, protect the company’s and your reputation, all in one message.
Hard situations also come with high emotional arousal. We feel anxious, afraid, frustrated, or nervous, which makes it difficult to perform well. Additionally, there’s a high level of ego involvement, meaning our identity is at stake, clouding our judgment. Such situations are highly consequential, adding to the pressure.
How do you make hard situations easy?
To make hard situations easier, one effective approach is to embrace vulnerability. For example, let’s consider a disagreement with your partner about household chores. Instead of reacting instantly and letting frustration boil over into accusations, vulnerability opens the door to empathy and understanding. You can pause and think about how to communicate your feelings to your partner. Instead of letting anger take control, you can say something like, “I feel overwhelmed when the dishes pile up, and it would mean a lot to me if we could share the load.” By openly sharing your feelings in this way, you invite your partner into a conversation rooted in mutual respect and collaboration.
Leading with empathy:
Leading with empathy is crucial, especially in challenging scenarios like addressing a team member’s performance issues at work. Instead of applying criticism like a blunt instrument, empathy allows you to see the situation from their perspective. Taking a welcoming approach can help them realize their mistake and be more open to communicating with you in the future when they face difficulties in their work. You can approach the situation by saying, “I’ve noticed some challenges in meeting deadlines, and I want to understand how we can support you better.” By showing empathy and offering support, you create a safe space for open dialogue and problem-solving.
Practice Active Listening:
In heated discussions with friends, whether it’s about sports teams or politics, active listening can be incredibly valuable. Instead of getting caught up in a back-and-forth of arguments, actively listening fosters genuine understanding. For example, you might say, “I hear what you’re saying about immigration policies, and I appreciate your perspective. Can you help me understand why this issue is important to you?” Or, “I hear you love the [opposing team]. What makes them so special for you?” By listening actively and seeking to understand, you build bridges of empathy and connection even in the face of disagreement. Of course, a bit of banter can be healthy for entertainment, as long as it remains respectful and lighthearted.
Seek Common Ground:
In negotiations with a new client as a freelancer, if they offer a rate lower than your usual price, it’s important not to react defensively. Instead of saying, “That’s way too low! I can’t accept that rate,” which might jeopardize the opportunity to work with them, you can explain the value you bring to the table and work towards a compromise.
You can respond by saying, “Thank you for the offer. While your proposed rate is lower than what I usually charge, I understand you might have budget constraints. Perhaps we can find a compromise that works for both of us. I’m flexible on my pricing depending on the project scope. What are your main priorities for this project that are non-negotiable, and are there any less urgent deliverables we can adjust or postpone to reach a rate that fits your budget while still ensuring high-quality work?” This approach allows you to maintain a positive relationship with the client while finding a solution that meets both parties’ needs.
Foster a Culture of Feedback:
Let’s explore the importance of feedback in personal and professional growth. Instead of avoiding difficult conversations, fostering a culture of feedback promotes continuous improvement and mutual support. Communication is indeed a powerful tool; with the right approach, you can navigate challenging situations effectively. For instance, you can prepare for a conversation with your angry boss and handle the situation in a way that prevents negative reactions. Asking for feedback positions them to feel trusted and valued, tapping into their expertise. For example, you might say, “I value our relationship, and I believe honest feedback is essential for our growth. Can we schedule regular check-ins to discuss how we can support each other?” By normalizing feedback and creating a safe space for open communication, you lay the foundation for stronger, more resilient relationships.
Unleashing the Superpower of Communication:
Communication is indeed like a superpower! With confident speaking, you can ace your job interview or seal a big business deal. Even impressing your date with the right words is possible. Talking has the ability to transform any relationship into something amazing. So, never underestimate the power of your words. They can turn ordinary moments into extraordinary ones and make all your dreams come true.