By your local expert in Not Having It All Together, Yet Somehow Knowing Exactly What’s Going On
Life’s hilarious, isn’t it? We’ve got all these big plans, maybe a fancy planner even, and then boom—reality. Life laughs in our face and reminds us we’re about as in control as a leaf in a windstorm. We try to hold on to every little detail, thinking we can somehow organize chaos itself. Spoiler: we can’t. But hey, I bet you’re like the rest of us—clinging on anyway, just in case.
The Illusion We’re in Charge
It’s like this: we’re all control freaks at heart. Why? Because it makes us feel safe, powerful, almost like the masters of our tiny universes. But really, how many of those “powers” actually work out? I mean, it’s not like any of us can just stop the rain mid-commute or make your boss magically realize you’re a genius. That’s not in the cards.
People spend their lives trying to micromanage. Relationships, work, even the weather forecast (“maybe if I stare at it long enough, the clouds will go away”). But the more we try to wrangle every little piece, the more we miss the big picture.
Things You’ll Never, Ever Control
Alright, let’s get this clear. Here’s a quick rundown of things you can’t control, and no, “positive thinking” won’t help you here. Sorry, but it’s true.
- The Weather: There it is. You can plan the perfect beach day, and boom, thunderclouds. The weather’s out of your hands, always has been, always will be.
- Other People’s Thoughts and Actions: If you haven’t noticed, people are stubborn. They’ll think what they think, do what they do, and if you’re expecting a big “aha” moment where they finally get it… good luck.
- The Past: Yep, you can ruminate all you want, but no amount of regret or guilt changes what’s already done. That ship sailed, hit an iceberg, and is now hosting fish.
- Traffic, News, and Everything That Annoys You on Social Media: It’s all out there, unpredictable and sometimes downright ridiculous. No amount of scrolling will give you the power to change what you see.
Now, I know that’s a bummer. It feels unfair. You’re sitting here like, “Well, what’s the point then?” But hang on, because I have good news. There are things you can control—and they’re a lot more interesting than the stuff you can’t.
What You Can Control (Yes, There’s Hope)
Let’s flip the script. Here’s where you do get to call the shots. And honestly, it’s pretty liberating.
- Your Actions
It’s one thing to get frustrated, another to flip out at someone. Your actions are your responsibility, even in the face of pure nonsense. Lose your cool if you want, but don’t kid yourself that it’s someone else’s fault. And hey, sometimes the best response is no response at all. Try it. Go Zen on them. - Your Words
The words you use shape everything. Drop a “thank you” when you want to scream, or just zip it when you’re about to say something you’ll regret. Silence is golden, and not enough people wear it like a crown. - Your Attitude
Look, you can either see a mess and rage against the universe, or you can laugh at the absurdity of it. Your mindset, outlook, general vibe—it’s all in your hands. Channel your inner comedian. Life’s way funnier that way. - The Space Around You
This is your stage, your dojo, your little bubble of the world. Make it feel like yours. Rearrange furniture. Light a candle. Create an atmosphere you can control, even if the outside world is one big mess. - Money
Love it, hate it, it’s yours to manage. You can’t control the economy, but you can decide if you’re going to be the person who impulse-buys every shiny thing or someone who knows where every dollar is headed. Control your cash flow, and it’s amazing how much calmer life feels. You’re practically an economist now.
The Beautiful Art of Letting Go
Okay, confession time. I’m a recovering control freak myself. And there’s no enlightenment coming from trying to direct life like some over-caffeinated movie producer. I’ve tried, and all I got was heartburn and a bigger forehead vein.
The trick? Let it go. Yeah, cue the Disney soundtrack if you must. But really, it’s true. Trying to control everything is like carrying a backpack filled with bricks. Let go of a few, and suddenly, the world feels a lot less heavy.
- Accept What You Can’t Change
Someone doesn’t like you? Oh well. They were never going to send you a gold star anyway. Accept that people have their own ideas, often ones that don’t align with yours, and leave it at that. They’re doing their thing; you do yours. - Forgive and Forget (Or Don’t, But Move On)
Holding grudges is like drinking expired milk because someone annoyed you. It’s gross, pointless, and you’re the only one who suffers. If forgiving isn’t your thing, fine, but let the memory go stale and focus on fresher stuff.
Professional Boundaries Are Not Optional
It’s funny how we think we can control everything at work. Like somehow, if we just work hard enough or play politics right, the entire office will bow to our brilliance. Reality check: you can’t control the company, the boss, or even the coffee machine (though it would be nice).
- Control Your Time
Time’s your currency, and saying “no” is your best investment strategy. When someone tries to hand you their workload, hit them with a polite “no thanks,” and watch the magic happen. - Set Mental Boundaries
Work’s work. But your brain? That’s personal space. Guard it like it’s a vintage record collection. Don’t bring office drama home, don’t stress about things beyond your role, and if someone’s draining your energy—block them mentally. - Budget Like a Pro
This one’s a crowd favorite. How you spend says everything about what you actually care about. Splurge or save, just do it with intention. Financial choices are some of the few decisions in life that actually make you feel in control.
Let Life Be Its Messy Self
At the end of the day, here’s the golden nugget: you’re not in charge of the universe, but you are in charge of how you react to it. Instead of chasing things you can’t change, own the stuff you can. That’s where the power really is.
Life’s not a checklist; it’s more like improv. Let yourself be surprised. Laugh when it’s ridiculous, adapt when it’s chaotic, and find the humor in the fact that none of us have a clue. That’s the real beauty of it—letting life surprise you while staying cool, calm, and collected. Or at least, pretending to.